Have you ever taken quite a few steps down the path towards success (freedom from binge eating) – and then willingly retreated to the shadows; seeking to regain comfort in the arms of your abusive lover (the binge eating b****)?
Do you tend to find some pressing reason why it is ‘preferable’ to stay where you are – trapped and miserable and still binge eating?
It’s because having a scapegoat – the binge eating b**** - can be a whole lot easier than taking steps to change your life.
Because binge eating – when it’s really got a hold – isn’t some trivial little irritant (like eating a bit more chocolate than you’d like). It’s life limiting, social encroaching and massively self-destructive.
It’s why some people describe it as an addiction; which is ok…….except I can’t help wondering if that isn’t just another way of hiding.
Make the word big enough, the idea of the ‘condition’ serious enough – and it becomes possible to relax in the arms of the binge eating b****, safe in the knowledge that, if you don’t succeed, it’s because it’s difficult. It’s an illness for which there is no cure.
You can continue inhabiting the miserable world that has become such a big part of your life – and claim it as the only friend you have. Without it, life wouldn’t be worth living.
But I wonder if what is more scary than binge eating is the very thought of taking control of your life; of making scary decisions about relationships, about work, about the way of life you have come to consider as normal, ok even – and changing that is a lot scarier (or more complicated) than changing your eating.
I advise people to ‘make yourself the star of your own show'; and, in part, taking small steps like (for example) reading a book instead of cleaning the bathroom can help.
But where some people struggle with that – is when the implications of reading a book instead of cleaning the bathroom – mean confronting an inability to speak up and ask someone else to contribute; putting yourself first might mean ‘offending’ others. Taking action might mean you actually have to a) stop taking responsibility for the well-being of the rest of the planet and/or b) start making decisions for yourself….
And that’s where it gets scary. The trouble is that when you let yourself be seduced by the old lie that people wouldn’t cope without you doing what you do – or you wouldn’t cope without doing it…then you store up deeper and deeper layers of resentment and guilt.
And resentment and guilt are uncomfortable, stress inducing, misery making emotions…that lead you back to that old friend, the binge eating b****.
It is always sad to see someone self destruct – when you can see how close they are to success; but, ultimately, we all have control over the choices we make.
The best you can hope is that one day they will want change more than they want the misery they have come to know.